Adam Large [ alarge@delimex.com ]

By Little D, of Little D's Gourmet Store

Almost everyone owns a soy processing unit. Most are low-end, mass-produced machines resembling old frozen yogurt dispensers with flavoring packets. Now some people can live with sucking on Go-GoGurt flavored like chicken, but I can't, I need more to gnaw on. I don't want to go to a fast food joint for a mass-produced-under-the-heat-lamp-too-much-yen-soy-burger; I want to cook at home. Here at my gourmet store, I try to spice up people's one-meal lives by selling some of the better-made home soy models. These models put structure back into your soy meals with a peptide polymer lattice. Now your soy burger not only has the taste and color, but your tongue will remember (if you've had real cow) the texture and consistency of a real burger. For those wanting to upgrade their own soy unit, or don't even know what they are missing, here from low to high are some of the models.

SuunBeam

700 Model
This model looks and acts just like the rest of the soy machines, but with one added feature: a 'toughness' setting. The operator can adjust the amount of polymers that are created, giving a chewy effect to their food. Polymer creation is chaotic in form, but it is a novelty to the soft soy goods.

Models 800 and 900
The next models are a little larger. They include hardware to build two basic shapes (round and square) and seven pre-programmed textures (hamburger, steak, chicken, fish, pork, pasta, and potato.) These models are a hit in the middle class lifestyle. Add a little ketchup, mustard, and/or mayo-flavored soy, and you're on your way to making those expensive hamburgers at a fraction of the price. Grilling homemade soy steaks before the big game is possible (even though they are square.)

The Model 800 has some issues with the optic reader. Colors occasionally shift more to the green, giving them the nickname SIA Machine, or 'Sam-I-Am's Machine.'

1000 Models and Above
The next grade models are sleeker with optional modular components from the main processor. They also come with a matrix port and vid-screen, so customers can download or trade their favorite recipes. Two of the most common modules bought are grease/gravy and soup modules. The Grease and Gravy Module adds delicious tri-gliceride drippings to your hamburger or other meals (hickory smoke flavoring available.) The Soup Module can manufacture smaller shapes for soups and stews, including thin forms with onion, celery, carrot, bacon, and clam flavors (each flavor packet sold separately.)

Mr. and Mrs. Soy

In keeping up with the Joneses, Mr. & Mrs. Soy have also released specialized soy processors.

The Soy Egg
Scrambled, poached, or fried, Mr. Soy Egg Maker can process your soy into all your favorite egg dishes. The unique design actually makes soy yolk, then 'cooks' it any way you program it.

The Soy Fried Rice
This is something that the Suun Company overlooked, and lost out in the Asian market: a soy processing unit that makes small rice shaped forms with several flavors, which combine into a fried rice dish. Mr. Soy can't keep this machine in stock. The company quickly made a module that adds disaccharides with a glycosidic linkage to the soy rice, to form sticky steamed rice.

Mrs. Soy Hot Chocolate Maker
A hot chocolate maker is nothing new, but one that can make marshmallows is. Two percent phenylalanine marshmallows are produced for that warm, happy feeling.

Mrs. Soy Condiment Maker
For those who want to be in control of their condiments, Mrs. Soy created a plastic bottle/side dish filler of some of your favorite condiments. Ketchup, mustard, soy sauce, tabasco sauce, wasabi and more can now be made with this handy device. For an additional 200 nuyen you can get a module for salsa, bean, guacamole and other dips for chips.

Mrs. Juice
For those of you who like pulp in your fruit or vegetable drink, Mrs. Juice has the answer. This one-gallon pitcher unit uses very little soy to imitate cellulose structures of oranges, carrots, celery, or tomato. It has its own acoustic cooling unit for energy efficiency and is insulated to allow taking it on trips. Vitamins and purification tablets can be inserted on the side to be mixed for added nutritional value.

Mr. Chips
This hearty designer can make all kinds of chips (barbecue, nacho cheese, sour cream, salt & vinegar), and for your cheesy-poof needs one can buy an additional Air Module.

Mr. Chips is the first of the Mr. & Mrs. Soy line to be designed with a multi-processor container, for those who don't use soy or can afford processed kelp. This container can use soy, macro-protein, or processed kelp in the making of chips.

The VilliersWare Company

For the higher class of citizens, these units can easily mimic the real deal with autobot software. The VilliersWare Company consistently meets the needs of their clients. Theier two top sellers are Deep Blue and Obsidian. Both of these units go well beyond one-dish meals. They can be queued up for multiple dishes (steak and potatoes, or eggs and hash browns, for example) and can be set to make meals for more than one person. The best thing about the VilliersWare collection is they can simultaneously 'cook' up to seven different soy dishes at the same time. The owner's plate is inserted and all the dishes are placed on it, instead of waiting on one process at a time.

Deep Blue Soy Processing Unit
Deep Blue is about the size of a large refrigerator, colored chrome blue. It combines the features offered in the Suun systems as well as the Soy Egg and Soy Fried Rice machines, and then adds a fuzzy logic processor to design irregular shapes (pork chops, steaks) or slight defects so no two burgers are alike. There are multi-feed ports for processing of food starters other than soy (kelp, macro-protein, and krill) and a frozen shake/juice dispenser. Included in the two year warrantly contract is a two kilogram 'food unit of the month' bonus, delivered monthly.

Obsidian
This machine cannot just be bought; it has to be installed as it connects to multiple features of the house to provide optimal nutritional value to the owner or occupant. The main unit is a sleek black & silver unit the size of a doublewide refrigerator, and has a trideo built in for a holographic interactive chef. It can store almost 20 kilos of food units in four easy dispensable machines, relieving the need to refill the machine daily. It has all of the options of Deep Blue plus:

• One biomedical bracelet and a gas spectrometer on the toilet to identify deficiencies or medical needs and tailor meals to your personal nutritional needs;
• One weight scale with electric eye for the measurement of the body to determine caloric needs for optimum health;
• A chemical and weight measuring module that attaches to the waste disposal/recycling unit to analyze likes and dislikes, caloric intake for future meal suggestions and proportions;
• A Matrix attachment for updates in software, an interactive recipe trader, and on-line ordering of flavors or food units.

This system can handle up to six people's biometric records and their food needs. If you purchase more more memory for the Obsidian, you can also add software that can simulate real cooking of food (uneven cooking, slight burn areas.)